


It's Not Paranoia If You're Right

by dark_hour_shenanigans



Series: 'Tis I, the Fool [2]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akira's on a New Game Plus, He enjoys confusing everyone around him, M/M, Persona 5 Spoilers, Spoilers, and he especially likes teasing Goro, crackish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-11 13:26:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8981737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dark_hour_shenanigans/pseuds/dark_hour_shenanigans
Summary: Akira knew. There was no other way to explain the strange comments he always made to Goro.





	1. A Murder of Crows

Akira Kurusu knew who he really was. Goro was sure of it. There was no other way to explain the strange comments he always made to Goro. They were too specific and pointed to be mere coincidence. Or was he just being paranoid? Lost in thought, the teenage assassin didn't notice when Akira walked up to him.

“Hey Akechi!” 

He most certainly did _not_ flinch when he heard Akira’s voice from behind him. 

“Hahaha….speak of the devil. I was just thinking about you.” Goro tried not to let his nervousness show as he turned to face the younger teen. "What's up?" 

Akira stepped closer and lowered his voice. “We’re going to Mementos today. Wanna come?”

“Of course.” Goro relaxed. It seemed that Akira simply wanted to ask him—wait. If all he’d wanted was to inform him of the group’s activities, Akira could’ve just messaged him...

“Say, Akechi?”

Feeling dread pool in his stomach, he gave Akira what he hoped was a friendly smile.

“Yes, Kurusu?”

Akira stepped closer, his glasses flashing as they caught the light. “Did you know that a group of crows is called a _murder_?”

Goro’s smile tightened. "Ah, no....I didn't." 

Smiling innocently at him, Akira leaned in until their noses were nearly touching. Goro froze, startled by his sudden closeness. Heat crawled up his cheeks.

“And your codename is Crow. Isn’t that funny?" Akira breathed, seemingly oblivious to Goro's reaction.  "But of course, an esteemed detective such as yourself solves murders, not commit them.” Ignoring Goro’s rapidly reddening face, he lingered there for a moment longer before straightening up and flashing a Goro a grin. 

“Well, the more you know! Seeya later, O great detective!”

“G-” Goro took a deep breath to compose himself. “Goodbye, Kurusu.” 

With a final smile and a wave, Akira disappeared into the crowd. Goro swallowed, hands unconsciously going to the place where his gun was hidden.

He _knows_.


	2. Long-nosed Liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this before the game came out in English and I'm too lazy to rewrite it so yeah

_It’s barely been a week_ , thought Goro Akechi, _and I’m nearly at my breaking point._

  
At the moment, Goro, or Crow, was seated in a shapeshifting cat, who’d transformed into what was called the ‘Morganamobile’, traveling through the ‘Otherworld’, the physical manifestation of the subconscious thoughts of the masses.

  
That wasn’t why he was so disturbed, however. He’d been aware of the Otherworld for years, and the shapeshifting cat wasn’t nearly as strange as some of the things he’d seen. The sole cause of his agitation was none other than the young man sitting next to him.

_Akira Kurusu, A.K.A. Joker A.K.A. Someone With An Uncanny Ability To Make Certain Specific Comments That Allude To My True Role As A Double Agent And A Hitman._

As if he could sense Crow’s thoughts, Joker turned his head and smiled at him. Crow’s train of thought screeched to a halt, and he stiffened. He became acutely aware of his own heartbeat and the weight of Joker’s gaze.

  
“Hey! Eyes on the road!” Skull yelped, and to Crow’s immense relief, Joker returned his attention to the labyrinthian tunnels of Mementos.

  
Crow let out a shaky sigh. When he was absolutely sure that Joker wouldn’t turn to look at him again, he continued his musings.

His relationship with Joker had been fairly normal up until now. He’d visit Leblanc, Joker would give him his usual, they’d engage in small talk, and he’d—occasionally—divulge some personal information.

  
Up until a week ago, Crow had been certain of his anonymity as Shidou’s hitman. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

A week ago, he’d asked to meet Akira and his friends in private. There, he revealed his knowledge of their hidden identities as the infamous Phantom Thieves, his ability to use a Persona, and the blackmail he’d prepared.

  
He’d been arrogant and smug, confident that he had the upper hand. At the time, Akira hadn’t reacted, other than to agree to Goro’s terms. The real trouble started after he officially joined the Phantom Thieves.

  
———

  
“Come, Robin Hood!” Goro’s new Persona burst forth from amid blue flames.  He smirked when he saw the awed looks on the Thieves' faces.

  
“…You’re quite powerful.” Futaba said, eyes narrowed. He knew she’d actively disliked him since blackmailing the Thieves, but still flashed her a grin. 

  
“Why, thank you, Futaba-chan.”

  
She scowled at him. “Who said you could use my first name?”

  
Morgana, the shapeshifting cat, interrupted them.

  
“We use codenames in the Otherworld, Akechi. As a precaution.”

  
“Codenames?” He asked, keeping the grin on his face. “Sounds like fun!” _It sounds like something out of a kid's show..._

  
Akira stepped forward. “My codename is Joker.”

  
“Mona.”

  
“Skull.”

  
“Panther.”

  
“Fox.”

  
“Queen.”

  
“Oracle.”

  
“Noir.”

  
Skull crossed his arms. “Now we just need to think of a nickname for you," he drawled. “How about…Dick?”

  
“Skull!” Panther snapped.

  
“What? It’s another word for detective isn’t it?" 

  
Queen closed her eyes and sighed. “Something _appropriate_ please?”

  
Joker looked mildly amused.

  
“How about Crow?” Noir suggested. “Because his mask looks like a bird.”

  
There was a murmur of agreement. Goro, now dubbed Crow, gave them his friendliest smile. “Crow it is!” He said.

  
Joker smiled at him. “Welcome to the team, Crow.”

  
“Thank you.” Crow’s smile was genuine this time.

  
_I can’t wait to see his face when—_

  
“That costume’s rather flashy, though.” Joker interrupted his thoughts.

  
Crow looked down at himself. Pure white, decorated in gold trims and buttons, and a red cape to boot…Joker had a point. 

  
“Well—”

  
Joker interrupted again. “It’s not very low-key.”

  
Crow blinked, tensing. _Did he just—no, wait. He said ‘low-key’ not ‘Loki’._

  
“No, it’s not, is it?” Crow relaxed; honestly, he was being far too paranoid.

  
“Hmm.” Joker stared intently at Crow’s face.

  
“W-what?” He asked. A blush began to crawl up his cheeks. He wasn’t used to such intense scrutiny, especially not from Joker.

  
“Long noses are often associated with liars, aren’t they?” Joker frowned at him.

  
Crow’s smile froze on his face. _What...?_

  
And thus began the longest month in Goro Akechi’s life.


	3. Death Kink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this post.](http://cincosechzehn.tumblr.com/post/155433849756)

Goro Akechi sat at his usual seat beside the bar, facing the interior of the cafe. His ever-present briefcase lay on the floor beside him, containing details on the cases he was currently investigating -- including that of the Phantom Thieves. His fingers tapped idly on the countertop as he observed the cafe's other occupants through narrowed eyes.

Sakamoto prattled on about sports to no one in particular. Morgana purred deeply, acting every inch the cat he claimed not to be as Takamaki coddled him. Akira was still behind the counter, making coffee.

Sakura - Leblanc's owner, not the hacker, - had left on an errand, leaving them free to conduct a meeting. They were currently waiting on the others. Goro's hand stilled on the counter. There were just a few weeks left until they stole Sae's heart. And, subsequentially, only a few weeks left until he eliminated the last obstacle in his way...

"Here."

Goro gave a guilty start when he heard Akira's voice. He turned around in his chair, an amicable smile on his face.

"Ah...coffee?" he asked, noticing the cup in Akira's hands.

"Your usual." Akira replied, smiling.

"Thank you."

Akira nodded and turned, grabbing a rag and washing it in the sink. His eyes, however, were on Goro, who had just taken his first sip of coffee.

“You know,” Akira said, wiping down the counter, "I’ve always thought it’d be kinda hot to be murdered.”

Goro choked on his coffee, sputtering incoherently. Hot liquid sloshed over the edge and scalded his fingers. Cursing quietly, he quickly grabbed a napkin and mopped up the spilled coffee. Behind him, Sakamoto fell silent. Either blissfully oblivious or uncaring of the reaction his sudden statement had wrought, Akira continued.

“It’s just a very intimate process.” He wiped the counter dry.

“Dude...” Sakamoto sighed, looking exasperated..

Akira turned around, rag in hand. "You don't think so?"

"Not really." Takamaki said. The corner of her mouth twitched.

Akira held his hands up in mock-surrender. “I’m just saying, the most intimate thing you can do to another person is to kill them. Don’t you think so, Goro?” he added, tossing the detective a look. Sakamoto snickered, quickly silenced by Takamaki.

"I-I'm sorry?" Goro glanced at the others, bewildered, but they all seemed to be hiding smiles.

"After all, you can have sex with anyone, but murder is a once-in-a-lifetime chance.” Akira stated matter-of-factly. "Don't you think so?" he repeated.

"Why're you asking me?"

"Don't drag other people into your weird fetishes, Akira." Takamaki interjected, finally taking pity on Goro.

"Who said it was a fetish?" Akira replied, eyes wide with innocence. "I just said murder was more intimate than sex."

"No, you said you thought it'd be hot if...oh, never mind." Takamaki said, rolling her eyes at the vulpine grin spreading across his face.

"Fetish or not," Morgana said, with a sense of finality, "I don't think anyone's going to help you with that." He licked his leg.

Akira hummed noncommittally and met Goro's eyes with a fixed stare. "I wouldn't be so sure about that." he murmured, just loud enough for them both to hear.

Goro's blood ran cold. His heartbeat thudded in his chest. He became horribly aware of the gun hidden in his jacket. Akira continued staring, his eyes betraying not the slightest flicker of emotion.

_Stay calm. Stay calm._

His hands were shaking. He pressed them firmly against the counter. After an eternity, Akira looked away and continued cleaning the counter, leaving Goro staring, wide-eyed.

_It's not possible. He can't possibly know. He can't know. He can't. This can't be happening._

Heart pounding, Goro dared to look over his shoulder. Nobody was watching him. They hadn't noticed. The sense of relief he felt was short-lived, however. Akira was looking at him again, the ghost of a smile hovering around his mouth. Goro tensed.

Akira winked at him.

_What the hell?_


	4. Unfortunately, Mona only seats 7

  
Mementos.

The strange, labyrinthine Palace was where he found most of his targets. From what conversations Goro had overheard in Sae's Palace, it was clear that the Phantom Thieves were under the impression that only sufficiently 'evil' people would show up in its depths.

Hilarious.

You could find almost anyone within Mementos, the exceptions being those with Palaces of their own. It was just a matter of knowing where to look.

Crow had always wondered how the Phantom Thieves managed to explore its maze-like interior with such a large group. The answer, apparently, was by driving a car. That was also Morgana, the talking cat-mascot-thing.

He really needed to figure out what that thing was.

"Ready for your first trip into Mementos?" Joker asked.

Crow flashed a smile. "Of course."

Skull reached out and patted him on the back a little too roughly. "That's the spirit! Now let's get goin'! I'm ready to bust loose!"

"Does nobody see the problem here?" Mona asked.

"Uh, what problem?"

Despite being a car, Mona managed to give off the air of rolling his eyes. "I can only fit seven people. And there are eight of you!"

There was a moment as they digested this information.

"Looks like someone's gotta stay behi~ind!" Oracle said.

"That would be far too risky." Queen interjected. "What if we need that person to switch out with an active fighter?"

"Queen's got a point." Joker said. "And besides, I'd feel bad about leaving someone behind."

"But...that would mean that one of us would have to sit on someone else's lap..." Panther said.

"I would not mind if someone wished to sit on my lap." Fox said, completely missing the implications.

"Dude."

"...?"

Crow rolled his eyes behind his mask. It truly was a miracle that the Phantom Thieves had made it this far. He glanced over at Joker to see how he was reacting to this nonsense. To his surprise, Joker actually looked thoughtful. And...was that a smirk he saw?

Joker looked up at him.

Oh.

Oh no.

He wouldn't.

Joker cleared his throat. "Actually, I think I have an idea."

He would.

"Let's have Crow sit on my lap."

"Huh?"

“Dude, what?”

“Is - is that a good idea?”

Panther sighed and muttered something about thirst.

Crow laughed, nervously. “You can’t be serious…”

Joker shrugged. “Of course, you can back out if you want.”

Crow bristled. _Excuse me? Does he think I’m the type to back down from a challenge?_ Because that’s what this was now - a challenge.

Besides, if he played along, he would be seen as a good sport. The other thieves would trust him more. Probably. And of course, someone willing to sit on Joker’s lap would hardly be planning to kill him, right?

...Right?

“Oh, no. That’s not what I meant. Of course, I’d be happy to go along with your idea.” Aaaand smile. Ha. Take that.

The others were giving him strangely speculative looks, but he ignored them. He watched Joker’s face, looking for a reaction or, indeed, proof that he was capable of expressing anything other than stoic calmness or quiet amusement. He found none.

“But Joker, ” Fox interjected, “If Crow is to sit on your lap, then how will you drive?”

“I’ll drive.” Queen said. “I’ve done it before.”

Fox suddenly looked rather queasy, as did Skull and Panther. Strange.

“It’s settled then.” Joker smirked at Crow. Crow smiled back.

_Asshole._

\- - - - - - - - -

The car was strangely warm.

Maybe it was just him. Maybe it was because there were 8 teens packed into a car with mediocre air conditioning. Maybe it was because he was sitting in the lap of Akira _fucking_ Kurusu, trying his very best not to blush.

For the fifth time in as many minutes, Crow asked himself why he’d agreed to this.

The car swerved, and Joker wrapped an arm around Crow’s waist to prevent him from falling onto Noir. Then he jerked his arm away like he’d just touched boiling water. Crow tried not to look anyone in the eye.

He could’ve cried in relief when a shadow wandered into their view, only for it to run off whimpering in fear. Dammit. He shifted in his seat. Why were Joker’s knees so pointy? And just where was their damned target? He desperately needed to beat something up right now.

“Uh, Crow?” Joker’s voice was uncharacteristically strained. “Could you maybe not move so much?”

Huh. That was a strange thing to—

Oh.

_Oh._

No. Nonononononono. Fuck this. _Fuck. This._ Fucking Phantom Thief and his _stupid fucking_ ideas—

“Crow?” Joker asked, when he hadn’t answered.

“Yes! Yeah, I won’t, uh, I won’t move.”

Behind them, Oracle giggled. Crow turned red.

When they finally did get to the target’s shadow, both he and Joker seemed to fight more viciously than usual. Crow found it was extremely therapeutic to stab shadows with a sword. Over and over and over and over and over.

Crow spent the whole trip back doing his best impression of a statue.

\- - - - - - - - -

“So….” Panther looked between him and Joker. “How was it?”

“......Interesting.” Joker said, voice muffled. For some reason, he was covering the lower half of his face. Like he was hiding something. It could’ve been a blush.

But while Joker could easily get away with a vague, one-worded answer, Crow couldn’t. Panther looked at him expectantly, and he cleared his throat.

“It was…..an experience.” Didn’t mean he had to elaborate on what that meant.

“Whaaaat? C’mon Crowsy, gimme some details.” Oracle bounced over and jabbed him with her elbow.

“I’d rather not.”

Whatever she had been about to say was cut off by the sound of Joker clearing his throat. “Let’s end it here today, everyone.” He turned towards the wall and pulled out his phone.

Once they were safely back in the real world, Goro made to leave as soon as possible. “I have work. I’ll see you all later.” He power walked away without waiting for a response.

_Let's hope I never have to do that again._

\- - - - - - - - -

  
**The group chat WITHOUT A-sketchi-kechi**

FS: we all saw it akira u were totes blushin ;)  
AK: I felt something in my throat and didnt want to cough on anyone  
FS: suuuure ;) keep makin excuses ;) i kno the truth ;)  
RS: so y did u ask him to sit on yr lap  
RS: like srsly dude  
YK: Yes, what was the reasoning for that?  
YK: And Futaba, what does ;) mean?  
FS: oh inari  
AT: i mean, telling him you were into getting murdered was weird enough  
AT: you have some serious thirst akira  
MN: …..Excuse me?  
MN: You told Akechi….you were ‘into’ getting murdered?  
AT: well technically he said “i always thought it’d be hot to be murdered”  
AT: something like that  
HO: Akira, is there something you’d like to tell us?  
AK: NO  
AK: IM NOT INTO THAT  
AK: I JUST WANTED TO TESE HIM OKAY  
AK: TEASE  
MN: Akira.  
MN: You cannot keep alluding to the fact that he is going to kill you.  
MN: It could compromise our plan.  
AK: sorry  
MN: And no more teasing him.  
FS: but makoto did u see akechis face  
FS: he was blushin too  
FS: and every1 heard him say ‘Yes!’ out of nowhere  
FS: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
YK: Ah, now that one I understand.  
YK: It is a face.  
RS: akira wtf did u do to him  
HO: It was nothing like what you’re suggesting, Futaba!  
HO: Akira simply asked Akechi to stop moving so much.  
HO: Akechi didn’t answer for a while, so Akira prompted him again.  
HO: Akechi was likely startled, which is why he responded so loudly.  
AT: so akira told akechi to stop moving around on his lap  
AT: that doesnt sound suspicious at all  
RS: DUDE  
FS: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
AK: byeihavetogo  
_Akira Kurusu has left the chat._  
FS: muhehehehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Akechi...I know what else you can stick your sword in ;))))))


	5. In which Akira Done Fucked Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Lenny69, whose comment finally got me to get off my ass and write a new chapter for this

His footsteps echoed down the empty corridor.

This was it. The final step of his plan was just within reach.

Goro stopped in front of the interrogation room and spoke to the guard standing there.

“May I ask that you accompany me? Going in unarmed to interrogate a murderer makes me uncomfortable.”

The guard nodded and entered first. Goro waited for him to stand still before reaching forward and taking his gun.

“Ah! What’re you—”

Goro pulled the trigger. The gun coughed quietly. The guard gasped and fell.

Idiot, he thought, looking down at the corpse. Didn’t he ever question why a silencer would be needed, if the interrogation room was so far underground? Well, no matter, Time to focus on the task at hand.

Akira was staring at him, tense. Then, abruptly, his lips turned up in a smirk.

“Wow, I guess you really took it seriously when I said I found dying hot.”

Goro sputtered.

Was this real? Was he being serious right now? There was a dead man _not five feet away from him_ and he was making innuendos?

“Are you serious?” Goro spoke without thinking. He tightened his grip on the gun, silently cursing himself.

Akira attempted to lean forward, winced, and aborted the gesture. He settled for resting his chin in one hand and grinning. “Very serious.” He winked.

Goro stepped forward and pressed the gun to his head. The smile vanished.

He pulled the trigger.

\-----------------

His footsteps echoed down the empty corridor.

This was it. The final step of his plan was just within reach.

Goro stopped in front of the interrogation room and spoke to the guard standing there.

“May I ask that you accompany me? Going in unarmed to interrogate a murderer makes me uncomfortable.”

The guard nodded and entered first. Goro waited for him to stand still before reaching forward and taking his gun.

“Ah! What’re you—”

Goro pulled the trigger. The gun coughed quietly. The guard gasped and fell.

He felt the oddest sense of deja vu.

Akira was staring at him, tense. Then he spoke—

“Oh, look, a murder of crows. Get it? Cause you’re Crow and you just murdered that guy.”

What. The. Hell.

\-----------------

“Yo, here to bust me out?”

\-----------------

“Do you like pancakes?”

\-----------------

“I sold your tie to this fangirl in my class.”

\-----------------

“Remember that time when we went to Mementos?”

\-----------------

“Oh shit, I just realized I forgot to wash the dishes.”

\-----------------

“You’re cute when you’re murdery.”

\-----------------

“I thought about calling you Ake-chi, but that just sounds like your last name.”

\-----------------

“Goro-chi? Nah. Huh, oh, don’t mind me, just thinking to myself.”

\-----------------

“Akechi-chi! That’s cute.”

\-----------------

Akechi-chi, you are smoking hot today. Y’know, ‘cause your gun is smoking, and you’re hot. Get it? Yeah, I’m serious. That’s why they call me Joker. Did you think it was funny? You aren’t answer—oh, wow, you look pissed.”

\-----------------

“I’m running out of things to say.”

\-----------------

“Sweetie. Darling. Honey. Love. Pancake.”

\-----------------

“I think Igor’s starting to get annoyed with me now. He just yelled at me for deliberately getting shit wrong.”

\-----------------

“I have you saved as ‘Pancake Boi’ in my phone.”

\-----------------

“...Yeah, I’m done. There’s only so much dying you can take.”

\-----------------

His footsteps echoed down the empty corridor.

This was it. The final step of his plan was just within reach.

Goro stopped in front of the interrogation room and spoke to the guard standing there.

“May I ask that you accompany me? Going in unarmed to interrogate a murderer makes me uncomfortable.”

The guard nodded and entered first. Goro waited for him to stand still before reaching forward and taking his gun.

“Ah! What’re you—”

Goro pulled the trigger. The gun coughed quietly. The guard gasped and fell.

Akira was staring at him, tense.

He felt the oddest sense of deja vu. And intense irritation, for some reason.

“What’s the matter?” Goro asked. “No witty comeback? No sly aside? Given what you’ve been saying ever since I infiltrated your little group, I would have thought you knew. But that’s obviously not the case. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

Akira said nothing, glaring. He was the picture of defiance.

Something felt off. The self-satisfied smile on Goro’s face slipped a little as he studied Akira’s face.

“Well, you’re being awfully quiet, aren’t you?” Dimly, there were warning bells ringing in the back of his mind.

“Do you remember? At Leblanc, what you said implied…” Goro trailed off, frowning. He stepped closer to Akira and pressed the gun to his head. Akira remained stoic. Goro would’ve thought he hadn’t reacted at all if not for the subtle tensing of his shoulders.

“What was it you said, in response to Sakamoto’s question? That you ‘wouldn’t be so sure’ no one would help you with your...fetish.” He pushed the gun against Akira’s head. “You were talking about me, weren’t you?” he hissed.

“What...what are you talking about?” Akira asked, finally speaking. His voice was hoarse.

Goro froze. “You don’t remember?”

“I...no?”

Those warning bells were ringing louder than ever. Goro pulled the gun away and took a step back.

Akira could be lying to throw him off guard. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d done or said something to make Goro lose his composure. Or it could be because of whatever drug his interrogators had injected him with. But to forget an incident that occured barely a few weeks ago? Not to mention how he was acting in general. Akira was always a cocky little bastard, in the Metaverse and in reality. He always had that air about him, even in a dire situation.

And now, he showed no sign of that cockiness. Just resignation.

Goro should just kill him now and get it over with. But he couldn’t quite erase the suspicion from his mind.

Akira’s strange behaviour, coupled with all the observations he’d made over the past few weeks, were starting to link together, like pieces of a puzzle he hadn’t known existed.

Akira’s sly little comments. The way the others would look at him, sometimes, with wary eyes. He’d brushed it off as a side-effect of his occupation and how he’d entered the group. The incident that happened two weeks ago, when Akira insinuated that he’d known.

The Sakura girl was a hacker. She’d grabbed his phone just before they first entered Sae’s Palace. Sae had taken a phone from Akira and showed it to him. That strange feeling he’d had right after she left. The phone.

Goro’s mouth went dry. He stepped back, looked back at the corpse on the floor. If he was wrong, then no harm done. If he was right…

He raised the gun and shot the man again, through the head.

The guard’s form shuddered and dissolved into nothing. Behind him, Akira sucked in a sharp breath.

Goro started to laugh.


End file.
